Today I got a message on my voicemail. It was one of those long messages accidentally left when a phone dials itself in a pocket. Only this recorded a conversation between two people talking, talking about me. I only listened to a few seconds but it was enough. The two people in the conversation were people very close to me. Imagine my surprise when I heard one of them telling the other how ‘chubby’ and ‘heavy’ I was. To be fair it was my mum telling my niece that I was a heavy little boy when I was one year old. And they had just discovered that the sturdy little man had just been measured to be in the 98th percentile in weight. This does not all make it forgivable. I was not chubby, I was just big boned.

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