At 7:30 am I was sitting cross legged on a wet tiled floor staring at a bolt. I contemplated the bolt for what felt like an eternity. Should I undo that bolt and am I prepared for the consequences. Let me explain.

Firstly the early rising; since moving to the wilds of culchieness we have taken to leaving the bedroom curtains permanently open. This way we can watch the plough spin around the pole star in the wakeful moments deep in the night (the lovely Sharon watches this, all I see at night is a myopic fuzziness of black and grey). A happy/unhappy consequence of this is that our sleeping rhythm seems to be more closely dictated by dawn.

Now to the washing machine. It has leaked a little ever since we moved and seems to have progressively become more poorly. Yesterday it hit rock bottom by continually vomiting wash water all over the floor and making strained pump noises. Does it need a mechanic? Has it met the end of its own spin cycle? I thought I would give it one last chance of continuing its domestic life of service; by taking apart.

The bolt. The bolt needed some pondering. If I loosen this bolt then the machine will bleed the entire contents of a full load of water onto the floor. The options were to do it or take it outside and do it. The solution seems like a no brainer until you contemplate the fact that I would have to disconnect it and manoeuvre it down two concrete steps. This would be done on my own as it seems that women who are nine months and one day pregnant are pretty useless at lifting and carrying things (apart from the obvious additional soul). Then there is the floor, the floor was already wet. Can a wet floor get wetter? Can a broken machine be more broken? The mop was already beside me and some towels were at hand (no boiling water required). It seems that the universe was speaking to me, and so I released the bolt and the deluge began, and the work began.

My 2 step guide to washing machine repair:

Step 1 – Disassemble washing machine.

Step 2 – Reassemble washing machine minus the parts pictured below.

Job done.